Dreams

1.  It's been almost exactly a year since I last posted here.  I'm nothing if not consistently inconsistent.
2. Talked to Steve, who is visiting his dad down in lovely Palos Verdes.  He's been walking on the beach every day; yesterday a pod of dolphins appeared and he jumped in the water to join them.
3. Kerry visited me in a dream last night. I was standing on a pier when a a single dolphin broke off from its  pod (which seemed to be endless in number) and swam directly toward me.  I lay down on the dock and could feel the day's warmth seep into my body. Not knowing if it was the right thing to do, I nonetheless extended my hand, palm upward to the approaching creature. She immediately brushed against me and then I was in the water, my arms wrapped around her and I knew. I knew and I felt a rapture and a peace, and knew it was a dream, but also that it wasn't. She came to me.
4. I miss her so much. The most mundane and ridiculous things remind me of her. Today I was standing at the kitchen sink washing my huge yellow Tupperware bowl and suddenly, I was transported to early December of 2009, her last visit here. I was back in time, and Kerry was helping me make a salad, Steve was mixing a martini, all three dogs were gathered hoping for a scrap to fall.  She asked Steve why their equally ancient Tupperware bowl didn't look new like mine.  Of course, I had to tell her that I occasionally used a splash of bleach to clean it. So stupid, so insignificant an incident. But I feel like I can't breathe when I think (as I always do when these moments hit me), "Oh my God, I'll never do that silly little thing with her again."
5. We have new creatures living here, a pair of Betta fish, ostensibly purchased for Parker and Renz. The female is tiny and bluish in color, with a voracious appetite and seemly fearless. The male, while gorgeously crown-tailed with sunset colors, is scared of his own shadow. He lies on the bottom of the tank, only rising for the random gasp of air, or for food.  He looks suspiciously at the food, rising in the manner of a diver afraid of the bends, by centimeters. Once he's close to the top, where the food is floating (if the female has not eaten all by now), he attacks a single bite and immediately dives to the bottom again to swallow it in safety. As you may have surmised, the fish have no names yet, but I'm pretty sure the male will now be known as 'Kevin'.
   

Pretty Is

1. This video brings both tears and joy.
2. Thinking I should do this for Delilah. Because every mutt should know her roots.
3. Having a plan to lose weight-- back on Jenny Craig.
4. Queen Helen Cholesterol Hair Conditioning Cream.
5. Ancient LGHS sweats.

Sacred

1. This movie: Unmistaken Child.
2. Finding the sparrow earrings again for my mom, and realizing how much she loves them.
3. Being brought to tears by my dad's heartfelt declaration of his pride in me.
4. Sushi with three generations.
5. Dogs in four sizes.

Dick's

1. Round trip to San Leandro to pick up 50 lbs of organic sugar with my daughter and grandson.
2. Brunch at Dick's, the kind of joint you usually have to travel much further to enjoy. Like maybe to the central valley, for instance.
3. Great waitress, with entirely painted-on eyebrows - red.
4. Enthusiastic hugs and kisses from Renzo.
5. Reading Parker's latest book about fmlay.

Sex in the Suburbs

1. Homemade 15 bean soup, Cajun style.
2. Found frozen snickers bars that I apparently hid from myself.
3. Greyhound nose on the keyboard.
4. Living where it's warm enough on (some) November days to open up the windows.
5. Still blossoming hibiscus, outrageously sexual.

Top Billing

1. A good driver's license photo!
2. Discovery of new iPhone app that combines knitting & pets. OMG. Thanks to Leslie: Pawnation.
3. Three foot high stack of mail reduced to a mere wisp.
4. Milk.
5. Glee.

Courage

1. Finding this blog: Life on the Edge, affirmation that there is someone else out there who knows that mental illness is actually a physical illness and who has the courage to write to help stop the stigma. Thank you, Pam.
2. Breaking up with someone who does not appreciate me (and who views my mental illness as a lifestyle choice). Really? Like I wandered in one day and thought I'd take up PTSD? The grace here is knowing clearly that it was time to get out and having the courage to do it!
3. Having family who should take up second careers as cheerleaders.
4. Also, internet games.
5. And a good napping couch.