Pretty Is

1. This video brings both tears and joy.
2. Thinking I should do this for Delilah. Because every mutt should know her roots.
3. Having a plan to lose weight-- back on Jenny Craig.
4. Queen Helen Cholesterol Hair Conditioning Cream.
5. Ancient LGHS sweats.

Sacred

1. This movie: Unmistaken Child.
2. Finding the sparrow earrings again for my mom, and realizing how much she loves them.
3. Being brought to tears by my dad's heartfelt declaration of his pride in me.
4. Sushi with three generations.
5. Dogs in four sizes.

Dick's

1. Round trip to San Leandro to pick up 50 lbs of organic sugar with my daughter and grandson.
2. Brunch at Dick's, the kind of joint you usually have to travel much further to enjoy. Like maybe to the central valley, for instance.
3. Great waitress, with entirely painted-on eyebrows - red.
4. Enthusiastic hugs and kisses from Renzo.
5. Reading Parker's latest book about fmlay.

Sex in the Suburbs

1. Homemade 15 bean soup, Cajun style.
2. Found frozen snickers bars that I apparently hid from myself.
3. Greyhound nose on the keyboard.
4. Living where it's warm enough on (some) November days to open up the windows.
5. Still blossoming hibiscus, outrageously sexual.

Top Billing

1. A good driver's license photo!
2. Discovery of new iPhone app that combines knitting & pets. OMG. Thanks to Leslie: Pawnation.
3. Three foot high stack of mail reduced to a mere wisp.
4. Milk.
5. Glee.

Courage

1. Finding this blog: Life on the Edge, affirmation that there is someone else out there who knows that mental illness is actually a physical illness and who has the courage to write to help stop the stigma. Thank you, Pam.
2. Breaking up with someone who does not appreciate me (and who views my mental illness as a lifestyle choice). Really? Like I wandered in one day and thought I'd take up PTSD? The grace here is knowing clearly that it was time to get out and having the courage to do it!
3. Having family who should take up second careers as cheerleaders.
4. Also, internet games.
5. And a good napping couch.

The Weather

1. Sunshine leaking through the sheers.
2. Bank of marshmallow fluff clouds perched on the west foothills.
3. Wind whipping palm fronds against the house.
4. Blankets.
5. Air.

All the Wrong Reasons

1. I'm back because someone pissed me off royally.
2. Still though, in spite of the absence, those missed days were filled with gratitude.
3. Today I am grateful for new/old friends, the Texans, who include me in their circle and envelope me with crazy love.
4. Antibiotics and inhalers.
5. H1N1. Done deal!

Not in Order

1. I am so grateful for my family.
2. And Scrubbing Bubbles, but not in the same way.
   
3. And since Rachel just yesterday did a dryer-works dance via FB, I feel that it is only appropriate that I mention that my favorite household appliance is the washing machine.
4. Snake and Butterfly
5. Drive-through chai latte.
   

Leader of the Pack

1. The way my dogs run to opposite ends of the house when I let them in.
2. Then it occurs to them simultaneously that the other one is now missing, so they dash back, this time towards each other.
3. Usually overshooting and needing to repeat steps one and two.
4. And knocking me over in the process.
5. Both times.
   

Salsa

1. Springing forward.
   
2. Waking before sunrise.
3. Crisp, sunny day.
4. Silky dog ears.
   
5. Perfectly ripe avocado.

Introspection

1. Being one of the old people who is ruining Facebook.
2. Laptop still kickin' after being dropped three times in one day.
3. The feeling of superiority that overtakes me when I watch Dr. Phil.
   
4. I'm going to be the best counselor ever with such an evolved sense of self.
5. Having a sense of humor to mask my insecurities.
   

Peanut Gallery

1. Early morning phone call from a friend wanting to play matchmaker.
2. An easy conversation with the guy she set me up with; plans for sushi on Monday.
3. Overnight party with the kids; popcorn, apples, cheese and salami for dinner.
4. Watching "Andre" and "Benji" with them. Miss P. saying at one point quite earnestly, "Grammie, thank you so much for getting these movies for us--I love animal movies!
5. Cuddled in bed, Renzo moaning that he misses his mommy and his daddy and his friends! Parker responding with, "Renzo you don't have any friends." Ahhh, big sisters!
   

Love, Japan

1. Rain coming down slantwise and tropical against my face.
2. Lion-like winds blowing the palm trees against the window.
3. Dog trainer on his way home from work taking the time to compliment me on Delilah's excellent light-rail etiquette.
4. Salami and cheese sandwich finally!
5. Talking to Kerry today just to touch in: I am so grateful to have her presence in my life; it's been 40 years this year. Our relationship was built on the idea of transience (our dads' jobs in a foreign country) and seeming whim of the universe (that one overlapping year, never to be repeated) , and yet year after year she is the person I can most count on to feel at home with. I love you, Kerry.
   

The Piano

1. Hearing my ex-husband trying to woo his current wife into this century by extolling the breadth of internet porn.
   
2. Translating my dad's story of serving as an altar boy into something my heathen daughter and her boyfriend could understand.
3. Inability to carry a tune thoughtfully provided by paternal DNA.
4. Gregorian chants sung by non-paternal humans.
5. Memories of my mom singing, and all the music she brought to us.
   

Urban Pests

1. Miss P's "crabby sandwich napkin song". Purple napkin a prop, not part of the lyrics.
   
2. Two-year-old's interpretation of being dosed with Tylenol for croup-related malaise: "Mama gave me medicine to make me stop crying."
3. Dog D. chasing the beam emitted from Maglite we used for raccoon-hunting expedition; she has no interest whatsoever in raccoons: Moving lights are higher on the hierarchy of potential threat.
   
4. Parker assuring self, brother, and me (in that order) that "raccoons are deathly afraid of dogs." Renzo standing on the porch, poised to bolt inside, not believing his sister for one single minute nor the web's plentiful proof of procyon lotor's amusing, rascally, and mostly benevolent nature.
5. Wikipedia*: "The first [urban raccoon] sightings were recorded in a suburb of Cincinnati in the 1920's."

*A highly addictive virtual substance; often abused by seekers of pointless knowledge. Please note: Original link cunningly points to additional links, thus exponentially increasing probability of addiction.

Lent

1. It's Wednesday, or it was about an hour and half ago.
2. Ashes.
3. Love's Executioner.
4. Soap operas: 15 hours worth of TV in about an hour.
   
5. While writing a lit review.
   

Seemingly Unrelated

1. Neighbor had baby number five at home. And she and her husband can support them all. While juggling bowling balls and dull steak knives.
   
2. I've grown enough sense to know that wanting another pet is not the same as needing one.
3. Saw a raccoon tonight; I can't help thinking they are cute, even though they used to turn over my flower garden on a regular basis.
4. They don't any more, largely due to a (different) neighbor whose sole purpose in life is transporting litters of pesky raccoons to the mountains. Whilst stoned and/or drunk.
   
5. The word "whilst". I periodically try to revive speech patterns from Victorian-era novels. That usually lasts one day in a row.
   

Spin

1. Resistance to forming good habits* becomes a plus when applied to bad habits**.
2. Molasses-like RAM on this laptop matches current brain RAM.
3. On the other hand, neither aforementioned device runs hot, so using them in bed*** does not mask menopausal symptoms.
4. At least I'm not bleeding.
5. And I don't get grand mal seizures.

* For instance, I don't write here everyday
**But I don't drink or smoke
*** No, not that way

Wearing Clodhoppers

1. Linda's visit last weekend: like a salve on my soul. I have that sense of being home when I'm with her, feel so blessed that she lets me into tender heart.
   
2. Feeling deep down that my daughter is happy. That's worth a million small graces.
3. Unconditional canine love.
4. Invited to Phi Alpha Phi honor society.
5. The smell of rain.
   

Consecutive Days?

Well, I was posting every day for awhile. And then I didn't.

A million excuses, but the biggest one is my biggest bitch against myself: I just get so overwhelmed by what normal people can take on--and what I myself used to be able to handle. Just frozen into inaction, which feeds the inadequacy, which freezes me to the point of brittleness.

This time I'll pick back up, post rather ungracefully about grace.

Dog-Day Afternoon

1. A big storm on the way.
   
2. Holing up.
3. Facebook. There, I said it.
4. House. Ditto
5. My dogs.
   

Migraine (and How it Became a Grace)

1. Sleeping in.
2. Art everywhere I look.
3. Seeing the world in terms of possible research.
4. Diet Coke with vitamins & minerals, because it's like Fig Newtons for breakfast--really healthy if you think about it in just the right way.
5. Lists.
   

Giggling Long-Distance

1. I'm sort of keeping up on my grace posts!
2. Turned in paper #2 for my writing class. Pretty much at the stroke of midnight, but still.
3. One of my dearest friends, L., is coming to visit me this weekend and I am so looking forward to the long talks, the giggling, the food and drink, the pure comfort of her presence. Geography keeps us apart too much; usually when we do see each other it's at huge family gatherings passing each other in the kitchen. This visit I only have to share her with my ex-husband and his wife. Fortunately I like them too.
4. A quick poke on FB led to a call from my friend S., who lives across the world. Between my phone phobia (I don't answer unless the moon and sun are aligned perfectly), the hours that I keep (mornings and I do not get along), and the time difference (11 hours?), we rarely speak on the phone (and I thank her for not giving up on me). She gave me a much-needed pep talk on facing the blank page (head-on) and the usual giggles and insights and love, which I'm sure I returned in spades.
5. Did you notice the giggling part?
   

Two Days Late and You Know the Rest

1. Made it to my first class on time. Just.
2. Guilty pleasure: The Bachelor. I admit it, I like some reality shows. My favorite is Big Brother.
3. Cold, windy, but brilliantly clear day.
4. Mail from Kerry!
5. I can now return the turquoise pashmina scarf Mom lent me last summer.
   

The Prince and Princess P.

1. Watching Prince Caspian again, with Parker sighing each time he comes on-screen. I think she has a little crush.
2. Trimming the kids' hair; I love cutting hair (of people I love).
3. Then quiet the rest of the day. I like quiet.
4. Discovering an old song, new to me: A Stone's Throw Away (Style Council).
5. Arm asleep at keyboard, sweet Delilah's fuzzy face using it as a headrest.
   

This One's for You, Baby

1. Spending the day with my birthday girl, who is 27 years old (!) and really could have chosen to spend the day with any number of other people. I am blessed to have such an spirited, intelligent, talented, and beautiful person in my life; lucky to count her among my best friends. Happy birthday to my baby, Celeste Nicole. I owe you a cake.
   
2. Mexican food from the local hole-in-the-wall; comfort food.
3. Extra RAM in my antique laptop.
   
4. Friday night sleepover with the grandkids. Cuddling on sofa, discovering the eight flavors of Necco Wafers, finishing (and loving) The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian.
5. The sound of rain coming down hard on a corrugated tin roof.
   

Behavior

1. Basil's Bavarian Bakery DUPLEX Sandwich Cremes from the vending machine in the admin building ~ only $1.00!
2. Seeing my lovely friend Michelle on Wednesday afternoons, passing between classes with the softest hug.
3. The trend I'm seeing of American women happily holding hands in public, Japanese schoolgirl style.
4. Having my dog read my mind; behaving* perfectly (almost) on the train.
5. This makes me want to get out the glue gun, some rhinestones, and my cellphone.

*not getting up at every stop or every 2 minutes, whichever comes sooner

Trumped

1. The engineer person who held the train for me this morning
2. Bluetooth that works well
3. Cloudy skies, chance of rain: even though I need the sunshine, we could really use the rain here. Concern about drought therefore trumps SAD.
4. The wind kicking up, leaves scattering everywhere
5. Brown rice spicy shrimp sushi
   

Memory Leak

Okay, some whining first: I am doing this tonight because I don't want to bag on my commitment, not because I feel like it. My computer is running so slowly, it is painful. I'm pretty patient, but this is ridiculous. It appears that I have a memory leak (with already minimal RAM) somewhere and I just don't feel like continuing to put energy into it. But anyway.

Progress

1. Finished and submitted my first term paper of the semester (610/8000 words)
2. Poetic language possibly seeping into scientific paper
3. Operant conditioning when applied correctly really does work wonders with bratty dog
4. Absolutely love what I am studying this semester
5. Warm winter day
   

OCD Procrastinator*

1. Flair from my sister: "OCD procrastinator. Do it right, but do it later."
2. Once a week class that's done in an hour, rather than the advertised three hours.
3. Clean house.
4. No naked house cleaners.
5. Old baggy jeans. That are still baggy.

*Neglected to post yesterday, so this is Monday's; another one to follow!

Middle of the Ish

1. Waking up earlyish on a Sunday, with just a little prodding from Lilah
2. Going back to sleep midmorning on my comfy couch, sunlight warming me
3. Feeling on top of school (I usually feel out of control until midsemester, get it briefly together, only to flail my way to finals certain that I'm going to fail everything), and so enjoying it. Even though I've felt certain since the beginning about what I want to do, I get this shock of joy that I really do love the field I've chosen.
   
4. Lila making piggish noises out of pure happiness
5. Getting to bed earlyish, with a good-so-far book: Special Topics in Calamity Physics
   

When Aslan Bares his Teeth, Winter Meets its End.

1. Explaining the concept of small graces to Miss Small Grace herself
2. And having her spend the night, sleeping exactly perpendicular to me, feet in my face all night--no matter how often I rotated her
   
3. The Chronicles of Narnia movie, unexpectedly charming. I must agree with fellow audience member and critic (age 5) that if the badger had been a skunk instead, they could have gotten rid of the bad guys with the stink. Also being half-man and half-horse is convenient because then two people can ride.
   
4. My next-door neighbor's mom who never fails to give massages to my dogs
   
5. My neighbor, whom I feel I can count on, even though we rarely see each other. She can always count on me, although she may have to drag the covers off of my head. I hope she met her one true love tonight.
   

Sparkly

1. Spending a good part of the day with one or the other or all of the kidlets
2. And doing messy art projects with them for mama's birthday
3. Elmer's glue, gobs and globs of it, no amount too much for that single seed bead
4. Wondering how a five year old knows what a disco ball is
   
5. The thought of live organic chocolate waiting patiently for me to enjoy it

Lip Service

1. Good teeth. Great dentist's office with staff who amuse with ribald humor while admiring my lack of tartar.
2. Sonicare toothbrush that won't die.
   
3. The Furminator. I can once again see my red-headed mutt and my clothes, couch, and carpet. Also, it is oddly satisfying to brush that much fur into a single pile.
   
4. Walgreen's in LG; aisle and aisles of Stuff-I-Need
   
5. Scent of Hawaiian Ginger candle burning
   

Fashion is as Fashion Does

1. Flat-out sleeping through the alarm
   
2. Being able to get ready and out the door, presentable, in 15 minutes
3. Lunch downtown between classes: C's hair a wild halo around her
4. The sight of my grandson wearing sweats, a thermal, and a cheerleader skirt
5. Light scattering off of the glittery paper said grandson made for me
   

Of Mice and Molassses

1. A couple on campus at dusk: dressed identically in black, studded and chained. He's leading her on a leash, collar around her neck, she follows ten feet behind. I wonder if they are an experiment being run by the psych department.
2. Breathtakingly large young woman beside me at a crosswalk. She speaks and her voice is feminine, melodious.
3. A fat DK book on digital photography checked out from the library
4. Found: molasses and graham crackers at my bedside; I sleep-eat. Molasses?
5. Found: the USB transmitter for my mouse

P.S. This is a late posting from yesterday.

Love from Iceland

1. FAFSA money
   
2. Dijon mustard
3. Love karma from strangers; one from a guy in Iceland who included a note saying "I hope you find your company"
   
4. Finding a hatchling on someone's blog today and not having a clue what it was
5. Maps and schedules and saying that I need to catch the 9:06 train
   

Tulle Fog

I'm plowing through tulle fog; all is grayish and dripping dismally, can't see a foot in front of me, much less into the future. I just want to sleep. How am I going to do school? How can I not? Last time I was this low was maybe in early 2000. Yes, I have another call into the doctor. I just need to say this before I can move onto the grace. I've had nightmares, one in particular, about him coming at me, and ghosts of both the dreams and the memories float around me relentlessly. I'm back to sitting in corners, startling at loud noises, afraid to leave the house. May have to make this writing thing private so I don't lose my nerve. I need to sleep.

Musical Continents

1. Australia (clearly more of a continent, but filled with so many small graces--I'll come back to this)
   
2. Popcorn
   
3. Colored pens
4. 3hive sharing the sharing
   
5. A brother who finds and shares really ridiculous things on the internet

Beans

1. Grey's Anatomy (even though I'm pretty sure I'm being emotionally manipulated)
2. Gray's Anatomy
   
3. Seeing Garbanzo suck the guts out of tomatoes
4. Losing My Religion
5. Venn diagrams

Lush

1. Sleep, and lots of it
   
2. Hot water to soak in
3. Lush shampoo
4. Pale pink soft chenille robe
   
5. Words, to play on, with, and around
   

Back to Grace

1. Arturo playing 'bullfight' with Delilah
   
2. A daughter who takes my dog on a playdate
3. Rain
4. Blueberries
5. Truffles

Unicorns Don't Exist

Did I say that this would be all balloons and kittens? No, I did not. My sense of organization* wanted this to be just about grace, but that is just too disingenuous. Plus, the thought of starting another private blog (which was one of my solutions to the problem that does not exist) to be my alter-self sounds exhausting and confusing.

• I am in a hole
• There is no (one) logical reason
• I feel fat and ugly
  
• I feel worthless and burdensome
• My dogs, especially poor Delilah, need to get out for a walk, and I am such a loser that I can't even do that
  

*need to control the world

Warmth and Tidiness

1. Linda, heard it in my voice, coming to visit next month, looking forward to being enveloped in her warmth
   
2. Renee; I can only cry when I acknowledge this grace
   
3. Leslie, has been there since the beginning
4. A new president, Barack Obama, brings new hope
5. One way I cope: organizing the shit out of things
   

For Now

1. Paid bills, enough money for today
2. Reorganized kitchen cupboards, counter tops cleared of clutter
   
3. Finished restringing name necklace for Boo (remember that nickname?)
4. Idea that the old greyhound is soothed by departed cat's heating pad
   
5. Dog snoring loudly at the foot of my bed, occasionally sighing heavily